Are Birds Real?


A Canadian goose, who seemed pretty real.

Payton Perkins, Staff Writer

Do you think birds are real?

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So, are birds real?

“I definitely think birds are real,” said senior Mia Stolpe. “There have been birds in the sky even when the government was shut down; there have been birds in my house! Un-government regulated, definitely for sure real, screaming at me.”

This seems like a crazy question, but there is a sect of the internet that believes birds are a vast government conspiracy.

“Birds are not real,” said sophomore Adam Adl. “They are a figment of your imagination, if you’ve seen a bird you are imagining things.”

According to the website, every bird you have ever seen since 2001 is a drone created by the US government. They claim to have numerous pieces of evidence supporting that between 1959 and 1971, 12 billion birds were killed. The technology used to massacre these birds was made at Area 51, and President Kennedy was assassinated after reading into the project and attempting to shut it down.

The first piece of evidence that falls apart under pressure is a supposed picture of a robot turkey – or a Turkey X500 – with President Kennedy and multiple onlookers. A quick Google search proves that this is actually a picture from a presidential turkey pardon in 1963. Most of the other evidence has no backing or proof.

There is speculation that this website is a satire–especially considering the fact that they sell merchandise like hats and hoodies. However, there is a slight hint of truth to this story. In 2018, the Chinese government started testing drones that were made to resemble birds. These birds can go undetected on radars and caused a stir of unease among Chinese citizens.

“[Birds are] a government conspiracy,” said sophomore Sebastian Ayala. “Because ever since the government was shut down, nobody’s seen birds. Everybody tries to tell me that ‘Oh I see geese around’ but geese are Canadian. They’re just coming to America. So, birds aren’t real. And right now, while the government isn’t shut down, I’ve seen birds! See we’re on a three-week contract right now, and you will see birds for these next three weeks.”

Despite this advance in technology and drones, everyday birds are probably real. But come to think of it, how many birds did you see when the government was shut down?